I wanted to be a housewife

I’ve been busy since I was a teenager. I always kept busy with something or another. I would burn out annually in the last quarter of the year. It was a circus. I always said to myself, I want to…

I’ve been busy since I was a teenager. I always kept busy with something or another. I would burn out annually in the last quarter of the year. It was a circus. I always said to myself, I want to do everything before I get married because when I get married, I just want to be a housewife. I did just that. Checked things off the list. Worked myself to a standstill and then got married. Now, I’m a housewife.

Your perfect life would be waking up and making lunch boxes??huh? How about owing a bank or running a country…this is a dream surely you’d want more out of life…not degrading being a stay at home mom but gee girl..no one dreams to be a housewife surely not?

— Ndalo’Enhle (@lifezjoy) March 2, 2020

The transition was sudden and jarring but here are a few things that I have taken note of about my new life.

I went offline

I have opted out of social media. Woke up 2 days after my wedding and deactivated everything including WhatsApp. I took it lightly, until Twitter deleted my account and it dawned on me that this is really happening. I wasn’t even hurt by it. The one thing that kept me on social media was my work, without that, I have no need for it. It’s a distraction and a source of endless emotional triggers. I now have more time towards the simple things which bring me joy.

i enjoy being a house-fiance.

i get to spend my time making low quality tiktoks while my babe works hard to provide for this family and my chocolate addiction. balance. pic.twitter.com/pFI8RLuzNs

— an enGAYged hun (@keabetswe_zondi) February 24, 2021

The transition has been trying

I’ve never been a homebody. My mother wasn’t one so I haven’t a clue where I would have learnt it from. I can clean but that’s because I’m low key Obsessive Compulsive about my spaces, order and cleanliness. Cooking is the thorn in my flesh that keeps me from being proud. It’s the one thing I never felt good at and failing at it makes me feel stupid. I definitely have unresolved issues with the stove area. 

I’ve never subscribed to the idea of my wife doing hard labour because she’s ‘umakoti’. I work too damn hard for her to not live a soft life.

I will pull up with a team of helpers if need be. Kodwa guys, the idea of black women suffering to prove their worth needs to end.

— Siyabonga Mkhize (@siyamkhize) September 11, 2020

Be careful what you wish for 

I didn’t know how much making my own money meant to me. Being the proud person that I am, this has been very uncomfortable for me. I had no idea how much happiness financial freedom gave me. I had an idea but when I started going through it, I realised that I haven’t had to run my purchasing decisions or travel plans past anyone else since I was 19. I’ve never had to sit down with anyone about my money. I just did what I liked with it. It feels like an attack on my independence but I’ve been known to be dramatic.

Women….Black women especially….have EVERY right to want to live a life of ease. To want to be taken care of. Be treated gently. No, it is not shameful or lazy. No other group is more hardworking but it’s clear mfs only reward Blk women with MORE labor and stress for that.

— Danielle♎️ (@BlackChonga) February 25, 2021

The pandemic

I’ve always been hermetic by nature so being a housewife with nowhere to go suits me just fine. The lockdown keeps people in their homes instead of visiting me which also brings me joy. I married someone who doesn’t make me wish to be locked down elsewhere so that’s a major win. We’ve become set in our ways and living together was a seamless transition. That’s what happens when you marry someone who is likeminded with you.

More time towards my spirituality 

I had a box full of brand new notebooks and journals which previously I didn’t have time to use. At the beginning of the year, I went on Pinterest and got some journal prompts for Self Development, Mental Health and manifestation. I journal daily. This has made me more self aware and helped me to work through some things. The journaling has made me feel lighter and I am more creative. 

Having an established career, thriving businesses and financial freedom are my main priorities way before marriage and children.

— MABIN2 (@mabintou) January 23, 2020

Becoming a housewife was a personal choice. What worked for me, might not work for you because there are too many variables at play. I love knowing that I can wake up and decide to go back to work one day. I am content with knowing that I tried everything I wanted to try before I chose this life. I have no hanging dreams. I am fulfilled. I just want to live a simpler, quiet life.

Certain people just love placing women in boxes. To them, we can’t be career driven and family orientated. We can’t be sexy and intelligent. We can’t be strong and soft. It’s one or the other, and it’s frustrating. We are all multidimensional and women can be many things at once.

— TONI TONE (@t0nit0ne) February 16, 2020

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